I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
