She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
