I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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