guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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