when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
