i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
