Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
