Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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