Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
