i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize