a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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