Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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