Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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