call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
