I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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