I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
