I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Terrible idea I love it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
