Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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