At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
