I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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