I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
