I cannot find my penis.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
