She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
