he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
