she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
