He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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