Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize