Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
