so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
