im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
