The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
