you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
