i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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