the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
