i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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