I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
