My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
