I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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