Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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