dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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