well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
