im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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