i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
