the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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