they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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