I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
