Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
