hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
