i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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