i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
