It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
