2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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