We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
And then he peed in my hair
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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