If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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