did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
