Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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