I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
