The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
