what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
