She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
