She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
