i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
