I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
