So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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