girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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