Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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