I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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