i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize