we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
