what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
