i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize