Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I fill condoms, not promises.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
