Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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