come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
