Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
