I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
