Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
