If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
