Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
