I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
