when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't think brook has ever known best
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
