she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
