so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize