if i can run in heels then i can drive
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
