just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
