At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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