you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This house was built for laser tag.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
