i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
