Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
