I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
