you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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