So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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