Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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