Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
why does every cop we meet know your name?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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