coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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