the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just blew my weed a kiss
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
