i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
