This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
