We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
