so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
