apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he shaved USA in his pubs
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize