NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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