standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
