Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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