They should really pass out barf bags in church
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
