I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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