You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
