you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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