I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
