I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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