My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
