Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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