He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
