i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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